When I was a kid there was an empty lot next to my house where aliens would land sometimes. The aliens would make me do things like play tricks on my sister and not finish my homework. I never knew why they chose me to bother but I’m certain it was my neighbor’s fault.

The neighbor worked at Frito-Lay and was always smoking in his yard while watering his dandelions. Sometimes he would make me mow his lawn, but only when the grass was so high my lawnmower could barely cut it and there were snakes in his yard. The aliens were probably there to feed on his well-fertilized grass, but never enough to make it easy to mow.